A covenant relationship, or marriage, can experience its own spiritual journey toward union with the Divine as one with multiple members. Understood as a covenantal three-some between the two human beloved members and G-d the Lover, covenantal partnerships may experience their own unique progression through what Janet Ruffing refers to as “love mysticism.”(1) Ruffing offers a possible process for participating in a path toward love mysticism (2) that is applicable for covenant partnerships, as well.
First, to become adult lovers, covenant partners must overcome their separateness, developing the capacity to participate in intimate relationships, and learn to be with each other and G-d without losing themselves. As the poet Gibran reminds us, there is a delicate balance between mutuality and codependency. “Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. ...Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.”(3)
Second, covenant partners may discover entirely new identities as “I” in relationship with the Thou, or as “we” in relationship with the Trinitarian Them. By releasing any preconceived notions of western dualism and/or autonomy, covenant couples begin to perceive the Divine Lover (and one another’s belovedness) not as Other or stranger, but as One cleaved in unity and mutuality. Seeing the covenant relationship as a holy three-some, each member understands their identity by who they are together in the whole covenant relationship. This enlightened identity comprehends that I am because we are and we are because G-d is...with us.
The third stage of this process shifts from perceiving G-d as outside the covenant relationship to sensing each of the three-some’s members’ presence as a part of a whole. This shift in perception looks within while simultaneously looking outside the covenantal three-some (to all of the rest of creation) from G-d’s perspective as perceived from within the covenant relationship. The covenant relationship becomes a window for understanding everything outside the three-some from a Divine shaped perspective. Sensing that the covenant relationship is spirituality and sexually unified with the Divine (and that G-d is a mutual member of the cleaved one-ness of the covenantal three-some), the partners in the covenant relationship begin to appreciate G-d’s desires as expressed through the actual covenant relationship - both with the covenantal partners internally and with all interacting externally with the covenant relationship. This stage may be compared to the Body of Christ. Although there are many members of the Body of Christ, each member grows into understanding the interrelatedness of the Body’s connections from the point of view of the integrated Body, not just from the perspective of the hand, or foot, or ear, or eye. It is a synergistic hermeneutical perspective that appreciates all of G-d’s creation holistically from within the point of view of the Body of Christ.
Fourth, covenant couples eventually experience the Divine Lover as the source of all loving, even the source of each member’s loving for the covenantal three-some, as well as the source of all desiring and desirability within the covenantal relationship. Through intentional spiritual and sexual mutuality with each other and the developing mystical loving union with the Holy, covenant partners know that the very substance of all that they are individually, all that they are together as a couple, and all that their relationship will be comes from the Holy and returns to the Holy in mutually satisfying and pleasurable consummation spiritually and sexually. Ruffing suggests that “such unitive experiences lead to a God-human partnership with feelings of equality, reciprocity, giving to God as well as receiving, and mutual care and pleasuring.”(4) These contemplative and climactic experiences both satiate and stoke all desiring within the covenant relationship, drawing the partners into deeper and deeper intimate union with G-d and each other.
Ultimately, continued spiritually and sexually integrated connection with the Divine Lover as covenantal partners through loving mystical union leads to transformation of the covenantal relationship and its partners. Mystical loving union of the Lover and the beloveds shapes the members of the covenant relationship in such a way that it becomes apparent to those outside of the covenant relationships. The transformation of the union can be seen in the interactions that the covenant relationship (and its members) have with children, family members, neighbors, other married couples, faith communities, or when entertaining strangers encountered in the world. This loving mystical metamorphosis bears the fruits of the Spirit that Paul discusses with the Galatian believers: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.(5)
Marriage, especially covenantal marriage in the Christian tradition, is considered to be different than other relationships, set apart by authentic intimacy with, and belovedness of, all three covenant partners. Ruffing suggests that “[i]ntimacy with God, like intimacy with significant others in our lives, is characterized by being and expressing one’s self while in the presence of one who is important to us.”(6) Belovedness - to be chosen and cleaved together as one with each other and G-d - contributes to the holiness (set apart-ness) of the covenant relationship. So the covenantal three-some is recognized as a holy container for such an embodied spiritual and sexual integration in relationship with each other and the Divine.
Love mysticism is a path available for covenant couples to experience this holy ecstasy with all three of the covenant members of their union. Ecstasy (being beside one’s self or finding ourselves literally beyond our embodied or intellectual control), describes the very state of loving mystical union within the covenantal three-some. Individual partners are no longer their own, no longer dualistic autonomous others, but one -whole and complete -and part of something more than the individual members combined. Where the covenant relationship ends and G-d begins is no longer distinguishable. This integrated spiritual and sexual mystical union transforms the marriage relationship into G-d’s presence and desire for loving union with others in the world, establishing the covenant relationship as a living, moving, and sacramental be-ing.
Bibliographical Resources & References
Janet K. Ruffing, RSM, “Searching for the Beloved: Love Mysticism in Spiritual Direction,” in Spiritual Direction: Beyond the Beginnings (New York: Paulist Press, 2000), 95-123.
Ruffing, Janet K., RSM, Spiritual Direction: Beyond the Beginnings (New York: Paulist Press, 2000), 107-108..
Gibran, Kahlil. " On Marriage," in The Prophet (New York: Knopf, 1925), 19-20. For additional information, see also https://www.themarginalian.org/2016/09/27/kahlil-gibran-the-prophet-love-marriage/
Ruffing, Spiritual Direction, 115.
Galatians 5:22-23.
Ruffing, Spiritual Direction, 126.
No comments:
Post a Comment